How to deal with your first heartbreak: announcement

Photo credit: Bill Badi

Hello, lovelies! Somewhat recently, a friend from high school reached out to me and asked how I was coping with my first real break-up. And I tried to give her the best advice I could—most of which was probably pretty standard—but as I thought about my experience trying to handle the heartbreak and the change, I realized it was really f*ckin hard, both to handle and to try to help someone else based on what I’d learned so far. There were times I felt like I was completely moved on, and there were times I felt like looking at old pictures of us at 2 AM and crying over it in an emotionally unhealthy and almost masochistic way.

The worst of all was that the majority of my friends were so quick to tell me I could do better, that it’s his loss, all those things friends are ‘supposed’ to say to you to make you feel better but that are actually sort of bullshit because they’re cookie-cutter phrases. Like when you see someone you know and you ask them ‘how are you?’ even though you don’t necessarily care to know. You’re trained to assess a situation, and pull a socially-acceptable reaction from your repertoire. But guess what? Those automatic responses don’t help. They can communicate empathy and support, but nothing else beyond that. I think it actually hurt me more that my friends seemed to think getting over the breakup was as simple as realizing that I could find someone ‘better’ out there. I had such complicated, mixed feelings about the whole thing and when I couldn’t just get over it like my friends expected me to, I felt like maybe they were judging me for being hung up on this guy who ‘didn’t deserve’ me. And I started to feel alone. Sure, I had my finsta followers (and also in real life, non-Internet friends, I promise) to rant to, but I began to feel like a huge burden AND a sad, pathetic person whose wailing and weeping were stuck on repeat. So, I stopped talking about it for the most part…but that didn’t stop the thoughts and feelings.

But when my friend messaged me out of the blue, for the first time in years, I realized maybe there are people out there who would find solace in the things I have to say. In an effort to be a source of support, I’ll be sharing my thoughts every so often in this series I dubbed ‘how to deal with your first heartbreak’ because I am extremely original and creative. I wrote a lot of my thoughts down periodically through finsta rambles and notes on my phone, but I’m going to try and re-write them into actual sentences that make sense together. I hope it helps, you’re 100% not alone if you feel ridiculously still not over your ex, and know that I feel ya, homie.